So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you would pick up someone in the library
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
