This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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