I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
