The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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