I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
