I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize