I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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