this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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