Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
