I'm drive I can fine osifer
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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