im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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