I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
