I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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