those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
