watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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