Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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