WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All the doctor said was why
do nipples grow back?
Randomize