my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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