A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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