I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My cat gives me a boner
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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