I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
