I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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