he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He better not be in your backpack
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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