we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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