the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
