I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
