I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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