Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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