Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
