my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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