Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
