There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
