how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
