happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
