I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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