I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
