I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
