I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
