No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
