After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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