I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
