I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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