im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
