I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
