K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize