If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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