so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
