I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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