I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
