Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
