i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
