You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
