My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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