I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
