note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
