sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
