best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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