Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize