allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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