I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
