So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
