Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
