Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
