ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
