you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
