I think my vagina is haunted
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
