Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
