remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
