Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
