shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm both gender and math confused
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
