Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
