Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
