I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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