Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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