You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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