I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
