chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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