shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
