that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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