Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
