pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
