I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
