i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
