if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
