Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
