you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
