I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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