how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
