don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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