Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
FUCK WHALES
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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