i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize