she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
