So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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