you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
