i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
