Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
