Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize