Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
