before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
