mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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