Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
