Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
