I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
