Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
