can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
