You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize