I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
